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Posted: October 12, 2012

Have you seen Opium Omar?

Local and international authorities are on the lookout for the notorious leader of a Middle Eastern crime syndicate, who they believe is either already in the Columbia Valley or could arrive at any moment.

Opium Omar, the kingpin of the famous opium smuggling ring, The Flying Carpet Cartel, has been on the run for months, and is believed to be hiding out in the Rocky Mountains somewhere within a day’s drive of Calgary, where his main distribution centre is located.

The Sultan of Haberdashery finds a quiet grove of trees near Pynelogs Cultural Centre for his drug sniffing camel, Alice, to escape the busy Invermere streets.

To assist with the investigation, the Sultan of Haberdashery has been investigating leads in and around Invermere with the help of his drug sniffing camel named Alice.

The Sultan said that Omar has been shipping his drugs in large Persian rugs into the port of Vancouver, and transporting them to Calgary, where they are repackaged and shipped all over North America.

“We believe his operation has been disrupted and he is hiding out near Invermere,” said the Sultan. “When we learned of the showing of the Midnight Genie Bottle here in town on October 20 and 21 we figured this would be the place he surfaces first.”

The Midnight Genie Bottle is an ancient artifact that will be traveling beyond the borders of Iran for the first time ever. As a result of about a year’s worth of negotiations, the National Persian Art Gallery has agreed to allow a special, two nights showing of the bottle by the Columbia Valley Arts Council on October 20 and 21 at Pynelogs Cultural Centre. It is believed the legendary vessel contains a magical genie that can only be drawn out by dancing on those specific dates, and part of the reason the bottle is leaving the Middle East is that it is such an important artifact that it has caused violent battles among those trying to entice the genie out of the magical bottle.

“Omar needs a few successful wishes if he’s going to stay ahead of the international law enforcement team that is after him. We are almost positive he will make an appearance, or at least send someone on his behalf to this event,” the Sultan said.

The Sultan and Alice will be attending both evenings as well, he said, to try their luck at beckoning the magical genie from his ancient vessel.

“It would mean a lot to my family and kingdom to receive three wishes from the genie. I have felt so welcome since arriving here I also would like to extend a personal invitation to the residents of this area to come join me on what should be a very exciting evening.”

For more information on the event, or to report anything suspicious, please call 250-342-4423.

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