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Does Alberta really have the worst drivers?
Kootenay Crust
By Ian Cobb
While perusing Facebook this morning I came upon a HuffPost Alberta piece advertising ‘The 15 worst habits of Alberta drivers.’
“Ooooh, this should be good,” the cynical, angry bastard who lives in a formerly damaged portion of my left hemisphere gushed with enthusiasm.
Being someone who lives in southern Alberta’s playground – the East Kootenay – and someone who covers about 50,000 kilometres a year over our highways, I have interest in such a topic and, believe it or not, an opinion.
“Bad At Merging, Stopping And Driving In The Proper Lane” (yes, they too are suffering from a terrible case of random capitalization) the HuffPost blusters, as it boils down a Calgary Herald piece citing an Angus Reid survey.
One more noisy slurp of coffee and click to the Herald story.
“We’re bad. How bad? Collectively, Alberta ranks right up there with B.C. as having the worst drivers in Canada,” the Herald lede states.
“Friggin’ rights,” I snort. “Wait, what? Ranks up there WITH B.C.?”
My eyes drift from the story to the headline again and I notice that the Herald story was published July 19, 2012 and then I spend the time pouring another cup of coffee wondering what the bloody hell the HuffPost is up to regurgitating a two-year-old story.
Is it knowledge of their readership? Through interpretation of their website traffic, they will know that topics such as death, mayhem and carnage rule the click roost, but weather and ‘shit happening on the highways’ also capture peoples’ interests.
Or is it just a lazy wonk filing a provocative shot across society’s bow, seizing on the most recent video showcasing petulant drivers in Calgary, seeking to enrage and start a comments section war for a laugh? Probably both, but I digress.
Clearly, B.C.’s bad driving is centred in the Lower Mainland which has the bulk of the province’s population, and it is common knowledge that almost all Vancouver drivers are stoned out of their panicking hamster minds on pharmaceuticals and the ones who aren’t should be.
Satisfied that ‘my people’ – the hard working and vehicle operating geniuses of the East Kootenay – cannot be included in such an ‘old’ assessment, it’s back to the story, which includes a dozen graphs outlining various bad driving habits and which province is the worst. (The HuffPost piece notes 15 bad habits, with more culled from their Facebook page.)
Angus Reid asked nine questions revolving around: ‘Have you witnessed any of the following behaviours over the course of the past month?’
The first graph shows that Alberta and B.C. are neck and neck (B.C. may be a touch ahead) as the worst when it comes to driving and gabbing on a cell phone.
Next, we notice that B.C. is the worst for speeding, a wee jut of blue graph bar ahead of wait… Manitoba/Saskatchewan, Ontario and Atlantic Canada. Alberta is BEHIND all those areas.
Manitoba/Saskatchewan are the worst when it comes to turning without signaling first. As a Manitoban, and now as a British Columbian watching tourists from those provinces operate vehicles in holiday land, I can assure you that is correct. B.C., Alberta and Ontario are all tied for second place.
The next graph – ‘A driver tailgating.’ Let’s stop and consider our feelings now, fellow East Kootenay drivers. You are probably saying, “hands down Alberta wins this one.”
You recall countless experiences where top-of-the-line SUVs or fully loaded monster trucks being driven by the angrily indebted with small minds and smaller tallywackers or jam-packed family vans have tailgated you down Highway 3, Highway 93/95 or Highway 93 and then on the fifth chance to pass you in the last 20 kms finally pull out, pass and then pull back in front of you and slow down.
Sorry to say, but Angus Reid says B.C. drivers are slightly ‘better’ at tailgating than Albertans.
Graph five showcases who is worst at cutting into another lane without indicating. Like graph four, B.C. is a smidge ahead of Alberta in that driving fail.
Finally, we come to graph six, where survey respondents were asked to point out how often they see someone multi-tasking while driving. Alberta is the runaway winner there. What the tasks are that are being performed is not explained but I surmise they are checking their stock tickers, trying to get oil out of their slacks/dresses, negotiating pipeline encroachments and reading about how to interact with the sensitive folks they are about to visit in the Kootenays.
For folks who frequent the Cranbrook strip, the results of graph seven – running red lights – will not shock. Albertans are the best at failing to stop for red lights; especially, where Cranbrook is concerned, when it comes to cattle trucks.
Embarrassingly for our Albertan neighbours, they are also the best when it comes to littering from vehicles, according to graph eight.
Slow down with the smugness British Columbians because graph nine shows that we are the most impatient when it comes to invading crosswalks when they are in use; Albertans are right behind us, probably tailgating, littering, honking and showing that they can count to one.
The next three survey questions revolved around: ‘Have you responded to a bad driver with any of the following behaviours?’
Graphs 10 to 12 shows that Albertans are the most opinionated drivers in the nation. They honk more than other Canadians (B.C. is a timid last place with Manitoba /Saskatchewan) and Albertans are runaway winners in the waving of fists, hands or arms. They are also tied with those blue-tongued Ontario folks as those mostly likely to fire off obscene gestures.
So there you have it – Albertans are clearly not the worst drivers in Canada. British Columbians are doing their best to be the worst, but again, I jab my thumb west and blame the Lower Mainlanders. Most of them have had to spend large chunks of their lives stuck in gridlock and that allows for bad driving habits to fester and, indeed, become perfected.
The best part of the HuffPost story is the comments section, where hurtful truth and prejudices are on full display.
However, there are always gems of truth in those comments such as one woman noting that “the culture of entitlement” that runs amok in Alberta, as well as B.C., is the cause of so much bad behaviour.
The culture of entitlement creates terrible people who live fulltime in the Land of MeMeMe and Gimme Gimme Gimme and when such people get behind the wheels of their vehicles, their general disregard for all other human beings is on full display.
The East Kootenay view of Alberta drivers will forever be skewed to the negative, from direct experience with entitled fools tailgating their way in and out of B.C. to the equally dangerous driver – the wide-eyed tourist operating on one-quarter brain function. They come at things innocently enough, sans the guile produced by hyper-inflated senses of worth.
Their part in the ‘bad driving’ business on our highways is entirely due to our region’s worldwide allure as a mountain paradise.
Having to put up with both kinds of bad drivers is a part of life in the East Kootenay; just as Albertans must put up with we British Columbians when we bring our, according to Angus Reid, bad habits into their province.
Drive safely and courteously folks.
