Perceptions by Gerry Warner

“The times they are a changing.” I can’t recall whether Bob Dylan sang his classic ode at the Rec Plex, and in all honesty, I might not have recognized it if he did. But the best songwriter of our generation certainly had it right because when they start listing more than two parents on an infant’s birth certificate, the times are indeed changing.

Let me back up.

Despite the veritable tsunami of news all week about the Olympics, one unusual item caught my eye: “Della Wolf is B.C.’s first child with three parents on birth certificate” is how CBC headlined the event. No kidding. Three parents! Now, if you’re of a certain age, which many of us are getting to be, this can’t help but be a poser. However, under B.C.’s new Family Law Act, three or more parents can be listed on a birth certificate. And this has got nothing to do with being kinky. Honest. Hell, some jurisdictions, allow four parents’ names to be listed on birth certificates. The sky is the limit apparently. But it’s a Brave New World out there even if some of we oldsters, like yours truly, have difficulty appreciating it. I’ll try to explain.

Three-month-old Della Wolf  Kangro Wiley Richards is the daughter of lesbian parents and their male friend. “It feels really just natural and easy, like any other family,” biological father Shawn Kangro told CBC. “It doesn’t feel like anything is strange about it.” Obviously Mr. Kangro and I come from two different planets, but let’s go back to the beginning.

The lesbian parents of little Della wanted a child, but biology being what it is denied them that. No problem. So Anna Richards and Danielle Wiley did what lesbians sometimes do in these situations and had their baby by what Wiley describes as the “home style” method by a sperm donor who impregnated Wiley, the biological mother. Are you with me so far? But what makes their case at least somewhat unique, if unique is the word to be used in these situations, is that the lesbian parents didn’t want dad to be “just a donor.” They wanted an actual living, breathing, legal father for their conceived child and why not, I suppose?

This is where Shawn Kangro, an old friend of Richards, enters the picture. Kangro selflessly gave of himself so that Wiley could get pregnant and voila this pre-arranged ménage a trois produces a birth certificate with the name “Della Wolf Kangro Wiley Richards” on it. Where “Wolf” comes from, I don’t know. Anyway, are you still there?

You may not be, but Shawn Kangro is although he told CBC he had to “debate a lot of things” in his head first. But he soon got used to the idea, according to CBC. “It really feels just natural and easy, like any other family. I don’t feel like there is anything strange about it.” And Wiley agrees. “Both of us from the beginning wanted to have a father that would actually be a participant.” Wiley and Richards took on full financial responsibility and custody for little Della while Kangro is a legal guardian with access rights. The unique arrangement was made by Vancouver lawyer barbara findlay who eschews spelling her name with capital letters. (Why am I not surprised by that?)

All of this was made possible by B.C.’s cutting edge Family Law Act, which came into effect in March 2013. The act allows donors to be listed as additional parents if an agreement is signed prior to conception. “There is now a limit of we don’t know how many parents,” says findlay. (Why am I not surprised by this either?)

When Aldous Huxley wrote ‘Brave New World’ in 1931 I can’t help but wonder if he had any idea of just how ‘brave’ the world would be by 2014? Brave or foolish? I guess that’s a matter of opinion. Whatever the case, I sincerely wish little Della a long and happy life. And she and others should keep in mind another thing Huxley said in Brave New World: “What man has joined, Nature is powerless to put asunder.”

– Gerry Warner is a retired journalist and Cranbrook City Councillor, who is no longer sure how he was born, but his opinions are his own.

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