Kootenay Crust

By Ian Cobb

Op-Ed Commentary

It is now official. It seems through considerable effort and rampaging privilege that we’ve arrived at the launching off point of a new era where thin-skinned simpering is the norm.

Much thanks to the comfy bubble-worlds presented by social media and the absolute lack of professional gatekeeping in terms of how news and information is presented (mostly by amateurs), a new breed of old school haters and grumblers is rising on the right and on the left is a staggeringly large number of neo-humanus bawlers and snippy nippers and biters.

Those are not new sub-groups of humans; but they are larger and more united than ever before because almost no one reads the ingredients anymore. People willy nilly swallow any bullshit that speaks to their personal biases, emotions, brainwashings and hopes without stopping to think. Most people don’t think nowadays. They get Siri or Google to do it for them, and it inevitably takes them back to where they’re most comfortable and where they get most personal confirmation.

At this point a regular reader might be rolling their eyes, seeing yet another diatribe from an old (former) ink-stained wretch about how corporate piggishness destroyed a once highly respected profession and how social media has slipped through the gates left open by sacked editors and journalists because they are, as Conrad (I’d sell my mother) Black would say, “bad for business.”

Well, you’re right, dear regular reader but you are also wrong because I am leaving that bent for this one: it is about two years past the time that people on the right, left, centre, upside down and hell bent for leather shut the bloody hell up and start thinking about to what kind of ugly shitfield this sniping, pissy desire to be offended by every single thing you do not agree with business is leading us.

We used to be able to disagree and still get things done as a nation or province or communities; or as global partners, even though we chafed at core beliefs that differed from our own.

But not now. Now, thanks to the meme educated, who are just mentally acute enough to be egotistical, barking hatred overpowers rational or even factual debate.

As a student of history – especially of war history – I can tell you such behaviour does not lead to better places. It leads to repression and bloodshed and the cancelation of your favourite reality shows.

Providing a clear example of how hissy and sophomoric our world has become is yesterday’s now world-wide consumed sound bite of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau channeling his late father Pierre’s penchant for being a ‘grand pied’ political pogo stick. Essentially, he dissed US President Donald Jehoshaphat Bing Bing Wobble Wobble Trump while gabbly-wabblying with British PM and failed Trump Muppet Boris Johnson, French President Emmanuel Macron, Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen and, because every bitch session needs royalty, Princess Anne.

All he really did was crack a joke about Trump delaying Macron’s arrival at Buckingham Palace, which was based on fact.

Prior to Macron arriving at the palace to slurp gin and tonics and steal fine china with the rest of the trough oinks, Trump held an impromptu 40-minute press conference with said French President, wherein he proceeded to throw poop and whine like a poorly raised southern belle with cotillion failure syndrome. Trump doesn’t need Twitter to hang himself. Every time he opens his KFC hole, he wraps the noose.

Later, after calling Trudeau “two-faced” and thinking he was off-camera, Trump admitted he thought it was “funny” that he called said PM Short Pants, Duke of Black Face and patron saint of SNC Lavalin, two faced.

Frankly, of the tens of thousands of lies that have flown from Trump’s cadmium countenance, like bats fleeing Notre Dame’s belfry right before it burst into flames, those are words I actually agree with.

Trudeau is two-faced!

And I agree with Trudeau; Trump deserves every sling and arrow presented.

What I don’t agree with is the school yard pushing match scenario, where a bunch of private school boys start slap fighting (think of Thurston Howell III and Little Lord Fauntleroy getting heated). Rather than act like adults given the ultimate privilege – to be the leaders of great nations – those two shallow puddles showed their true depth.

It’s probably all part of the same shell game we debt slaves play every day – just another performance to keep us all distracted from the bloated one per center hands jamming into the shrinking cookie jar.

They want us to form sides; to form digital tribes and to fight, because they make money off our misery and whims; they always have.

So let’s fight the current; that inexorable pull to the right or the left, and work together. It’s easier and better and more productive.

To those in political power – agree to disagree and move on to the business you’ve been handed the great honour of being elected to do.

If politicians in the so-called higher levels of government (federal and provincial) spent all their time working together to make a better society, rather than all their time working to get their parties (and themselves) re-elected so it’s ‘pensions all around,’ imagine how many of the current social and infrastructure woes wouldn’t be happening.

While it is high time for the far too easily offended to pick their battles, as opposed to this current scattergun technique, it is beyond high time for new rules and laws governing the behaviour of those to which we present the ultimate honour. It’s one thing for Joe Citizen to showcase his abundant shortcomings in 140 characters or fewer but it’s another thing altogether when it is the most powerful person, or people, in the world.

I for one am all for jail time for politicians or senior government officials who are caught mucking about with our tax dollars for personal or party gains. And there ought to be ‘represent the nation appropriately fines,’ where, for example, our prime minister loses a month’s salary for being a flappy-faced twerp. Think of the stage you’re on, trust fund, okay? And yes, I’d like the law to be written: “If thou behavest like a flappy-faced twerp in front of cameras or hot mics and embarrasseth our great nation, thou shalt barfeth over one month’s salary.”

I also think there should be punishments for offending politicians wherein not-for-profit groups could raise money, such as ‘pelt the prime minister with rotten tomatoes; $5 per shot.’

As for what the Americans could do… you got me there. I believe Trump’s reign of the ridiculous will result in new standards of presidential behaviour.

Sadly, one will likely not be able to enjoy seeing Tanning Bed Don take a worm-dwelling beefsteak in the eye because said punishments are not yet in the books.

However, with a minority government in place in Canada… some steps could be taken. Polish up the stocks! Git yer tomater baskets!

– Ian Cobb is owner/editor of e-KNOW and he is offensive most of the time.

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