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Scary Movie 5 lucky to get one star
Movie Reviews
By Lynne Martin
When my web designer set up my review site, he asked me if a one to five-star rating system would be sufficient to accurately depict my movie reviews. I said yes, but in retrospect, I should have also included a zero rating. SCARY MOVIE 5 (2013) starring Ashley Tisdale, Simon Rex, and Charlie Sheen is such a terrible waste of time that it doesn’t even deserve the single star I’m forced to assign in.
After a young married couple decide to open their home to the husband’s feral nieces who were found in an abandoned cabin, they have little time to even catch their breath before welcoming home their newborn son. Almost immediately, unusual and violent episodes begin to plague every aspect of their lives. Forced to look outside the home for help, Tisdale and Rex find themselves putting their faith in surveillance cameras and paranormal investigators who quickly warn them that they are being haunted by an evil demon.
With this being the fifth instalment in the SCARY MOVIE franchise, I’m still not sure how audiences are supposed to be entertained by watching badly acted snippets stolen from popular horror movies. Definitely the worst of the five films to date, even the Morgan Freeman sound-alike narrative can’t pull this movie out of the garbage.
Everyone will easily recognize this abbreviated list of movies lampooned in SCARY MOVIE 5. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, MAMA, PLANET OF THE APES, BLACK SWAN, EVIL DEAD, and INCEPTION just to name a few.
In closing, I think it’s worth a mention that to date, this franchise has already grossed over $800 million—needless to say, audiences somewhere are paying to see this kind of fare. Directed by Malcolm D. Lee, PG-13, 86 mins, Comedy, Horror, Sequel, * 1 star out of 5.
Ford at his best in 42
Sport biopics tend to be either raging successes or dismal failures; very few falling into the middle ground of movie obscurity. 42 starring Chadwick Boseman, Harrison Ford, and Nicole Beharre is a bona fide success. Not only does this picture grant us entry down into the players’ dugouts, we’re also privy to a brief peek at the negotiations and desperate finagling necessary behind the closed doors of the Brooklyn Dodger’s management in their attempt to break the racial barrier.
42 is the story of two extraordinary gentlemen, one with the vision that it was time for a change, and the other with the courage to weather that life-altering decision. Brooklyn Dodger’s GM Branch Rickey risked more than just his personal safety when he signed Major League Baseball’s first African American player back in 1946; he risked the reputation and the future of the entire Dodgers organization. By accepting Rickey’s offer, Jackie Robinson chose to exert a level of courage that few men are even able to muster for a day—never mind an entire season. Robinson convinced teammates, sports fans, and owners alike that the infamous ‘color line’ was becoming an antiquated idea of the country’s past.
Harrison Ford’s portrayal of Rickey might just go down in history as a career best, his commitment to the part almost rendering him unrecognizable in the process. Although I would have appreciated some additional background regarding the Dodgers’ groundbreaking decision, 42 is easily one of the best films of the year to date, and I still find it hard to believe that those societal prejudices were acceptable behavior only 67 years ago.
On an interesting note: Jersey number 42 is the only number retired by all of baseball. Directed by Brian Helgeland, PG, 128 mins, **** 4 stars out of 5.
– Lynne Martin is an avid movie collector and a staunch supporter of sexual education. She currently resides in Alberta, Canada with her husband and their large extended family. For a complete list of her reviews and other works, or to leave a comment, please go to: www.lynnemartinbooks.com .
