Movie Reviews

By Lynne Martin

Watching the movie G.I. JOE RETALIATION (2013) starring Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis, and Channing Tatum reminded me of sitting back on a couch and attempting to watch two hours of a video game. Inundated with nonstop action, explosive scenes of violence, and a mind numbing chain of events that eventually dulls the senses into complacency, tickets to this movie could have easily been sold with matching game controllers.

A sequel to G.I. JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA released in 2009, this latest installment sees the G.I. Joes once again pitted against their mortal enemy, the Cobra. Without any assistance from their own government, this elite fighting force has no choice but to regroup after a surprise attack on their outpost. Left scrambling to understand the U.S Government’s new agenda, the G.I. Joes now must fight to ensure their own survival.

Back in 1963, Hasbro created the first action figure and called it G.I. Joe. A popular toy until the late ‘60s, it was retired after America’s unpopular involvement in Vietnam. When the STAR WARS franchise once again made action figures popular in 1982, G.I. Joe was back on toy shelves, with sales peaking in the late 1980s.  As expected, Hasbro has once again launched a new toy line for G.I. JOE RETALIATION.

Surprisingly banned in Pakistan due to negative depictions of the country, this movie is actually little more than a collection of snappy catch phrases and feats of advanced weapon training. Be warned that if you drag your wife or girlfriend to this film—you had better be prepared to sit through the next Nicholas Sparks love story without rolling your eyes or complaining. Directed by Jon M. Chu, PG 13, 110 mins, Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi, Sequel. ** 2 stars out of 5.

Spring Breakers the ultimate celebration of debauchery and hedonism

Whatever your first impression was when you saw flashes of the advertising for SPRING BREAKERS (2013) starring James Franco, Vanessa Hudgens, and Selena Gomez—you’ll still be surprised by the dark content. This movie is the ultimate celebration of debauchery and hedonism. If you’ve been wondering how teenage girls urinate outdoors without removing their bikini bottoms? Well this newest offering of cinematography will be able to address that age old conundrum.

BFFs since elementary school, four hard bodied young girls decide that their routine college existences would be radically enhanced by a spring break getaway. Unfortunately strapped for cash, they make the fateful decision to rob a restaurant in hopes of financing their holiday. When the law catches up to them, they are unexpectedly bailed out of jail by a local drug and arms dealer who has much bigger plans for the remainder of the girl’s holiday.

SPRING BREAKERS is a giant leap from the Disney Channel or ABC’s Family Channel—previous employers of Gomez, Hudgens, and Benson. This movie feels like a combination of a ‘Girls Gone Wild Video’ and snippets from every parent’s worst nightmare. Bad decisions repeatedly fueled by peer pressure, alcohol, and drugs are treated as the norm. The ‘gansta life’ is portrayed as a desirable occupation, and of course, organized religion and education are offered up as little more than running jokes.

Note: I’ve never been a fan of movies that sexualize weaponry or have actors simulate oral sex with loaded guns. Franco’s character ‘Alien’ is actually based on a local rap artist named Dangeruss, who even managed to wrangle a small part in the film. Directed by Harmony Korine, Rated R, 92 mins, Drama, Action, Adventure. **2 stars out of 5.

– Lynne Martin is an avid movie collector and a staunch supporter of sexual education. She currently resides in Alberta, Canada with her husband and their large extended family. For a complete list of her reviews and other works, or to leave a comment, please go to: www.lynnemartinbooks.com.

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