By Peter Christensen

Op-Ed Commentary

Firebird: a luminescent bird with magical qualities. Some say dangerous because they can bring good or bad luck.

Once a upon a time at Eastend a Cowboy was sent by the Mayor to round up some cattle that had broken through a community pasture fence and found their way into town.

While out riding the perimeter dyke surrounding the town, the Cowboy spotted a bright luminescent feather laying on the ground. He stepped down from his horse to pick it up but as he did so his horse whispered to him to be careful, that it was best to just leave it where it lay. However, curiosity got the better of the Cowboy and he picked up the feather and put it in his hat band. When he got back to the Mayor’s office the Mayor saw the feather and insisted that the Cowboy give it to him.

The Mayor who had heard of the magical qualities of Firebirds took the luminescent feather into the darkened Beverage Room at the Cypress Hotel and sure enough, it lit up the whole room. He immediately ordered the Cowboy to go and fetch the whole Firebird.

“Do it now or I’ll have you thrown in the local jail for a week.”

The Cowboy diligently went out and hunted down the Firebird and brought it back to the Mayor.

Now the Mayor was planning on marrying the Shaunavan Rodeo Queen and he sent the Cowboy to fetch her.

“Don’t be slow about it either or I’ll have you thrown in the jail for month!”

The Cowboy diligently went to Shaunavan and brought the Rodeo Queen to Eastend. The Mayor was in a hurry to have the marriage consummated but the Rodeo Queen protested and said she would not marry him unless she had her fine wedding dress.

“Well, where is your wedding dress?”

“It’s buried under a Buffalo rock near Ravenscrag,” She said.

The Mayor called the Cowboy and sent him to fetch the dress saying, “Be quick about it or I’ll have you herding cattle in -40 for the whole winter.”

The Cowboy diligently went to Ravenscrag and there found the Buffalo rock. He unearthed the dress and bought it to the Rodeo Queen.

Then the Rodeo Queen said to the Mayor that she would not marry until the Mayor had the Cowboy boiled in oil.

The Cowboy overheard this and before the Mayor could have the Cowboy brought to him he told his horse what was going to happen.  His horse cast a spell on him that protected him from the hot oil and when the Cowboy emerged from the pot he had been transformed into the most handsome Broncbuster around. Upon seeing this transformation, the Mayor jumped into the pot of boiling oil, but he did not survive.

The Rodeo Queen and the Handsome Cowboy got married and eventually she became Mayor of Eastend and they lived happily ever after.

There are three morals to this tale, one for each of the characters. For Mayors: do not covet Firebirds for they can bring good or bad luck. For Cowboys, always be nice to your horse and, for Rodeo Queens, always boil your Cowboy in oil before you marry him.

– Peter Christensen is a Columbia Valley based writer and poet.

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