By Bob Ede

I woke up Tuesday morning sick. Every joint and muscle ached. My stomach was churning. There is no nice way to say it; I didn’t know if I should sit on the pot or hang my head over it.

There was absolutely no warning the night before. I went to bed feeling fine. But I woke up feeling like a ‘tin-of-mashed-assholes’. A matter of fact it felt a lot like I had the flu. But that would be impossible, because I don’t get the flu.

At my job, I have the option to get a flu shot, but I never have seen the need. Like I said, I don’t get the flu.

On Tuesday, it sure felt like the flu. I phoned in sick. One day off, I thought. A little rest and I would surely be feeling better. I spent the day, hot and cold, shivering and sweating, between the bed and bathroom. Not exactly a relaxing day off.

That night I was up and down, aching and sweating. The only sleep I had was haunted by crazy dreams filled with horror and frustration.

Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling lousy. But I was determined to go to work, so I thought I would employ my fail proof ‘strategy’ to make it through the day.

Now this ‘strategy’ has always served me well. It is an old friend. I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone, but for me it works.

What is this secret formula you ask?

Good old-fashioned ‘denial’:

Get my bell rung playing hockey. Do I think I should sit the remainder of the game out, that I may possibly have a concussion? Hell no. Can’t be. Best thing is to get back out there and skate it off.

Lose a filling. Do I make an appointment with a dentist right away? Shit no. What’s the hurry? Those freshly exposed nerves just have to get used to the cold air. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that much anyway.

Drink too much. Wake up in the morning, head pounding, eyeballs bleeding, all the mirrors broken and the dogs giving me a wide birth. Do I think I may have a drinking problem? No chance. Must have kept some bad company. My drink was spiked. Bad ice cubes. E-coli. Maybe I even have a touch of the flu. But drinking problem – I don’t think so.

Denial – it’s a beautiful thing.

So on Wednesday morning I ignored my symptoms. Put my aches and pains in the back of my mind. I was determined not to miss two days of work in a row. I toasted two pieces of bread and ate one of them. Showered. Thought it would make me feel better than it did, but so what if it didn’t. Dressed. Made my lunch. Took three Tylenols for the aches and pains. Not the aches and pains from the flu, but the aches and pains from being an old athlete.

Out the door, the cold set my teeth to chattering. I weakly brushed two days of snow off my truck. Got in. Turned the ignition. Fired it up. Gave it a little gas and shit my pants!

I waddled back inside. Phoned into work sick. I hoped they wouldn’t think I was faking it

As for the ‘strategy’? Hey, I didn’t say it worked every time. Some things just can’t be denied.

Bob Ede has caught up on daytime TV. He’s back driving to work, wondering what happened to the ‘new car’ smell. He can be reached at www.palliserpass.wordpress.com  

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