By Anne Davis

The early days of relationships are filled with excitement, thrills and the joy of newly found love.  As time goes on, we allow the excitement and joy of our relationships to fall by the wayside when we choose to focus on day-to-day irritations or complaints about our partners.  The number one cause of fizzling romance is the idea that our partners are falling short of our impressions of who they are.

So how do we stop this trend?  Take stock of your expectations and write them down on paper.  Write down all the positive qualities of your partner. What is it that drew you to him/her?  What do you love about him/her?  What qualities are you looking for in a mate?  Are your expectations even realistic?

The second step is to write down the qualities you don’t like, what irritates you, what is it that pushes your buttons?  When you have this list written down, take each item and ask yourself how you draw this quality from your mate.  Yes, that’s right – how do YOU act, react, or speak that causes this corresponding response from your mate.  Relationships are two-way streets and both partners are equally to blame or to thank when things go wrong or go well.  It’s too easy to point a finger and blame our partners for what we think is going wrong.  Accept equal responsibility for what has happened and stop this downward spiral in its tracks.

It is our own expectations that cause these upsets. If you want to spark your romance, go back to the list of your partner’s positive qualities and spend time focusing on the ways in which your partner HAS met your expectations.  Can you decide to be happy and fulfilled by what you are receiving now?  If you can, you need to let your partner know the ways in which he/she is making you happy.  The more you focus on the positive qualities and compliment your partner, the better you both will feel and your romance will heat up.

To keep your romance alive, you must be willing to give up all the little petty things that cause communication breakdown.  Allow yourself to have fun and play together.  Allow yourself to appreciate fully the time you spend together. Be present in this moment and enjoy it to the fullest. This is the path to a joyful romance.

Remember also that not everyone expresses love and affection in the same way.  While some of us are easily able to verbalize our feelings, others show their love through actions – doing little jobs every day, being on time, being strong.  Learn to pick up on these little actions and to appreciate the unspoken love behind them.

Treasure your memories of happy moments and think of them often. Remind yourself frequently of all the fun you have together. Keep your focus squarely on these happy moments and expect to have many more moments like them.  When things do go sideways, let go of your anger or frustration as soon as you can. Get out your list of positives so you can bring them to mind more easily when your frustrations may be getting the best of you.

With a little practice you will not only be reconnected, but you will realize that you are with your partner because there is no other place you want to be. The relationship will not be one of convenience, but one of choice. This process will rekindle your romance and plant it solidly on unshakeable ground.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Anne Davis is a writer, blogger, artist and photography buff.  Born in Quebec, she now lives in Kimberley, BC where she is editor of and contributor to the City of Kimberley’s Active Community Guide and webmaster for the City’s websites.

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