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I picked up the guitar instead of the bottle
Séan McCann performs this evening at Centre 64
By Stephanie Stevens
It started as an ultimatum.
Séan McCann, one of the founding members of Great Big Sea, undoubtedly one of Canada’s best-known folk rock groups, could either quit drinking or lose his family.
McCann chose his family. And life.
And in doing so, he faced another demon, the source of his alcoholism: sexual abuse at the hands of a trusted parish priest when he was a teenager.
Now, after leaving Great Big Sea in 2013 and pursuing a solo career, McCann splits his time between intimate concerts and speaking engagements, both aimed at not only his own continued healing, but as a medium to help others.
“I was pretty much stuck in my old life,” McCann said. “Stuck is a good word to describe it. When you are using alcohol and drugs to not deal with the problem, you don’t move forward. Alcohol is a temporary fix, but it’ll kill you, too. It’s not a solution.”
After his wife told him he had to choose between the bottle or sobriety, her and their two sons, he chose sobriety.
“It was hard… but ultimately I was able to do it, I found a way to cope, makes sense of it, find peace with it. And move forward. I became unstuck. And that was worth all the work.”
McCann credits his hard won sobriety to his guitar, which helped save him not only from the alcohol but from the memoires of sexual abuse that he drowned with it.
“After the first three months I started having nightmares about the priest who abused me and all that came back, made me want to drink, really bad. And you know I remember I went out one day and bought a bottle of scotch, and laid it on the counter and I stared at it. I just wanted that pain to go, I didn’t want to deal with that. So I was staring at this bottle, and I saw my guitar. It was hanging on the wall on a little stand, and it came into focus and I picked up the guitar instead of the bottle.”
And he started to write songs.
The first sober song he wrote was ‘Stronger,’ from his first solo album ‘Help Yourself.’
“Everyone has to find what works for them, but that really showed me a way out; a way through it. After the first year things got a lot easier, I kept writing songs, which I didn’t think I would do, because you know, honestly,” McCann chuckles, “most of the songs I had written previously were literally about drinking.”
That first year was hard won, and the changes, and losses, were a challenge.
“The first thing that I realized was I was isolated, I lost all my friends, which usually happens, it’s typical… your circle of friends evaporate, in my case the band as well,” said McCann. “I did that last tour sober and that was pretty stressful for all concerned.”
But after the first year, things got easier, he added. He knew he could do it and kept writing songs. Five albums worth of them.
Séan McCann, the Shantyman, was sober, alive and well.
But there was one more demon to face – perhaps the biggest one of all.
McCann was at his first speaking engagement, a sobriety breakfast in London, Ont., when he came forward about his abuse.
“I was brought in to speak to addiction, because everyone knew I was sober. They thought I would be an inspiration,” he recalled. “But there was a guy named Paulie O’Byrne, he was a hockey player who was abused by his coach. I didn’t know that. He got up and he spoke first… he just got up and told what had happened… just spoke the truth, and it blew my mind. I had no intention of sharing my secret in that kind of fashion. The only person I had told was my wife. But to see how he could get up there in front of a room and just put it out there, and the benefit to him from that, and the strength he took from that, and the strength it gave people, it just changed my life. I was there and he showed me it could be done.”
When it was McCann’s turn to speak, he shared his story as well.
“I was terrified, but when I said it, I felt this huge relief. And as a result, I think there were four people who disclosed to me that day, too. You realize you are not alone. I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders. It was important. It had to happen.
“It was part of my healing process, to be able to be honest, not just with myself, but with everybody.”
The only reaction from the church after McCann came forward was to ask if he was going to press charges.
While McCann believes in freedom of belief, he himself has little time for organized religion.
“They are powerful (the church). It is a power based, capitalist based hierarchal power that protects pedophiles. I respect people’s beliefs, I think everyone should believe what they want. What I don’t think is healthy is indoctrination. What I don’t think is a good thing is having a human being deemed with infallible power. That creates a real haven for abusers.”
While music is what he credits for his sobriety, his speaking career has given him another outlet to help others, which in turn helps him.
“When I work with people in addictions, it is a simple message but a powerful message: when I can go in and face a room full of addicts and explain to them, here is the situation I was in, here is why I was in it – and the reality of my day-to-day life was there was a booze rider, every day, a bottle of whiskey, and four bottles of wine and 48 beer – and they hear these things, and see that I can walk into a room sober, tell this truth, my truth, explain the situation I was in and walk out and still be sober… I mean if the guy from Great Big Sea can quit drinking, anybody can quit drinking. It proves a point. It encourages them to not give up. And having lived my life in the dark for that long, I don’t want that for anyone else, if I can help people in that condition, I’ll do whatever I can.
“And if telling the truth is what I can do, then I will, and I am just very grateful you know, for Pauly being so brave and showing me how to do it. I want them to live without fear.”
While his guitar continues to be McCann’s saviour, it has found a companion in the speaking gigs.
McCann addresses a diverse spectrum of groups ranging from mental health organizations/workers, first responders, teachers and principals, unions, youth groups, colleges and community organizations.
“Every time I get up in front of a group and speak to them, it’s a give and take, a conversation of sorts that happens. Whatever I put out to the audience I get back 10 fold. It helps me remember and keep firmly planted in my mind that I am not alone. And in turn I can throw that out to the people who need to hear and feel that the most that day. And maybe, just maybe, that day, that person can start their own journey through the darkness and towards the light.”
But despite the busy tour schedule, McCann said he has more time at home these days.
“My kids are 9 and 12,” he said. “I am a busy dad, I am home more now than I had been before, which is great, I just need to keep somewhat busy. We all agree that I should go to work every second weekend… at the very least, for everyone’s mental health.”
McCann is also candid with his sons regarding his battle.
“Both my boys know what I’ve been through. I’ve made it a promise not to lie to them about my addiction and my recovery. And because I’ve been honest with them from the start, we’re able to have very open and candid conversations about drugs and alcohol. I intend on having those honest (and sometimes very hard) discussion as many times as they let me… or that I force on them… haha!”
Similarly, he is open and honest about keeping his children safe.
“We are taught to teach our kids ‘stranger danger.’ I used that, stranger danger: but that is irrelevant. That’s not right. Ninety per cent of abusers are well known to the family and a large percentage of them are from the family. These are not fun things to know, but you need to know the truth before you can improve things.”
At concerts, McCann said he often has people come up to him to disclose their own struggles with abuse. When asked his thoughts on how to respond to someone who discloses, his advice was simple.
“I think as humans we all just want to be heard and loved. It’s so basic, but so few people, especially those who have been victims, feel heard and loved, that I believe THOSE are the key ingredients to supporting someone who discloses to you or me. A simple validation that they matter and that they are worthy of being listened to and loved is a very, very profound start to help someone on their journey.”
In a similar vein, helping someone who is struggling with a loved one’s addiction can be as simple as listening.
“I know for my wife, she had her tribe, her people. They were her support, ears (for listening while not judging) and hearts (for loving),” said McCann. “She’s said that without them she would have been lost throughout our journey. No one wants to feel alone, and having your people be there for you lets you know you’re not walking the journey alone.”
“(If my wife had not come forward) I don’t think I would have quit. I needed that push. I think it was necessary to put that bit of fear in me, that fear of losing it all. And I also think I was ready to hear it. I couldn’t carry that weight around anymore. I was coming out of a desperate situation, I was either going to die, or I was going to live. That is usually what it comes down to.
“I encourage addicts/alcoholics to get to the point sooner than later, because you might not have much later. It will never correct itself. And don’t give up.”
McCann’s current tour brings him west, including to Kimberley this evening – Saturday, April 28 at Centre 64 in Kimberley.
“I love getting to these places (like Kimberley),” he said. “Hard to get to Kimberley from Ottawa, but it will be worth it. When everyone shows up and we all sing, I’ll know why I am on this planet.”
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