Mommy’s Weird

By Kyla Cornish

When leggings were coming back in style I was sort of pissed.

I mean, I had been there and done that.

It made me feel old.

But, I got over that really quick and now I think leggings are a fat girl’s dream.

No more middle belly roll.

No more top belly roll.

No more bottom belly roll.

Just one big roll.

Me likey.

Me no likey this…

There’s a hole in my leggings, dear Liza, dear Liza. There’s a hole in my leggings, dear Liza, A HOLE!

Okay, I have no idea what that white mark is and I am not sure how long it has been there for. You see, I have really large breasts so seeing my knees is not something that happens very often. But the hole. The hole made me freak the eff out.

Want to know why?

I bought these leggings seven years ago at Zellers, rest In peace, and I feel attached to them. They were my maternity leggings that I wore with Whirlwind when I was 160 lbs. I now weigh 219 lbs. Yes, I am aware, that these leggings owe me nothing. Nada. I know that. But, I am mad at them for leaving me in such a lurch.

Sort of like the time I got food poisoning on New Years Eve and my boss had to do the New Years Day 5 a.m. shift at the radio station.

Sorry about that.

That really sucked.

I get it now.

All because of a pair of seven-year-old maternity leggings.

– Kyla Cornish is a ‘retired’ radio Dj adjusting to being a Momma of two children. Main problems? Lack of sex, sleep sanity and an addiction to saucy chicken wings. Kyla has been published in a series of funny blogger ebooks, “Life Well Blogged.” She has also been recognized as one of the Top 25 Funny Moms in Canada and US by Circle of Moms. Then she was kicked out of that contest for cheating. She also won a baking competition when she was 11 at a 4-H Rally. Find Kyla here: https://www.mommysweird.com and follow on twitter @mommyisweird

Article Share